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This topic has tugged at my thoughts for several years. It is a subject that doesn’t appear to be addressed very much. It is massive, and I do not claim to be an expert, but I do have a lived experience that truly changed and defined my life.

Back in the early 90’s when I lived in Alaska, my husband and I were dating. He wanted me to know he was dyslexic.   He didn’t find out until he was trying to attend college. Jim sighed, “I cried when they told me that I had dyslexia. It was such a huge relief to know there was a significant reason as to why I struggled so much in school.”

Early in the marriage, realization kicked in. Dyslexia is very different than anything I had dealt with. We couldn’t willpower our way through the issue. No matter how hard we tried, or where we moved, dyslexia was right in front of us.

We all know that marriage is work, and it takes enormous amounts of focus, energy and commitment. We all have our strengths and weak areas, but dyslexia adds so much dimension and complexity to a marriage relationship.

You would think that I would have marriage and dyslexia all figured out by now. That I know exactly what to say, and how to be an encourager, but struggle with dyslexia in a marriage is real. Since it is inherited, there must be other couples navigating the same challenges.

So, I began researching several months ago. What I discovered is that marriages do experience similar struggles. Typically, there is a dyslexic and non-dyslexic spouse. When dating, the dyslexic person is very good at hiding or masking their dyslexic traits to their potential partner. The dyslexic partner is independent, or quirky and has their own way of doing tasks and that can be appealing.

Further into the marriage, it becomes apparent how much dyslexia permeates the marriage relationship. The quirks, routines, tasks, and chores that are a struggle or are avoided. There are six main areas of struggle: rigid routines, filling out paperwork, struggle to translate their ideas into words, short-term memory deficits, and emotional triggers with children’s homework.

In 2015 an open access journal by Neil Alexander-Passe, in The Journal of Psychology and Psychotherapy, The Experience of Being Married to a Dyslexic Adult says, “dyslexia occurs across the range of intellectual abilities. It is best thought of as a continuum, not a distinct category, with no clear cut-off points. Co-occurring difficulties may be seen in aspects of language, motor co-ordination, mental calculation, concentration and personal organization.”

According to Dyslexia and Marriage: Excerpts from Dyslexia, Dating, Marriage and Parenthood, “In all relationships there is a share of responsibility, all vary, but in a marriage with a dyslexic, the non-dyslexic can take on a huge percentage of the chores that dyslexics find challenging/difficult. These can include making shopping lists, doing shopping, making telephone calls, taking messages, making social plans, dealing with any sort of form, dealing with payments, dealing with teachers, etc. The list is endless.”

I have experienced this for myself. I am always asked to spell words and write emails.  Keeping paperwork straight, organizing chores, and many other tasks that must be done for a family can easily fall on the non-dyslexic parent. Let alone, staying on top of what children need at school. This can be an overwhelming place to be.

Your emotions can be frayed, energy drained, and your cup empty.  Sometimes, we don’t have any more to give. We need a break. Sometimes I will say to my husband, “I just need a couple of hours to hang out with someone that isn’t dyslexic!” Thank goodness after thirty-three years of marriage, he understands some of my needs too.

Over the years we have realized more effective ways to communicate and to divide up the chores. For example, I don’t like clutter. However, I learned to let go of the fact that I will not have a clutter free home.  And to be honest, there are days where I still tackle the clutter piles.

According to Sagebrush Counseling, Loving Someone with Dyslexia: Relationships Rooted in Understanding and Connection, “Marriage is often where communication struggles hit harder, bills, parenting, schedules, and emotional labor can all stir up stress.  Strategies that can help are: Assign roles based on strengths (one does bills, one handles calls), Use visuals to stay on the same page – white boards, shared calendars. Create rituals for checking in emotionally and practically. Lastly, avoid sarcasm, passive aggression, or long-winded texts in a conflict.”

Continuing with Sagebrush Counseling, “Loving someone with dyslexia isn’t about being their teacher, fixer, or proofreader. It’s about being their teammate. Their cheerleader. Their calm during the storm. It’s about choosing curiosity when there’s a misstep. Celebrating the way they light up about what they love and remembering that your relationship doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. You don’t need perfect spelling to have deep love. You don’t need fast reading to show emotional depth. You just need a willingness to listen, adapt, and grow together.”

Was it fate that took me to Alaska? Absolutely! My husband changed my life, and he is the wind beneath my wings. Because of Jim and his dyslexia, in 2009 I trained to become a Barton Interventionist for dyslexic students. In March 2025 I passed the Master’s Certification in the Barton Reading and Spelling System. My hope is to encourage others like he has encouraged me. Currently, he is encouraging me to write even more. He says, “You have so much to say and so many families can be touched by our experiences.”

Maybe I should overlook the clutter a little longer. He is breathing ideas into me and into the dyslexic community.